Dearest Redneck Son,

Iím writing this slow because I know you canít read fast. We donít live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I wonít be able to send you the address because the last Memphis family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldnít have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. Iím not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We havenít seen them since.

The weather isnít bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I havenít found out what it is yet so I donít know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. He burned for three days. We roasted wienies.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldnít get the tailgate down.

There isnít much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,