Courtesy of Lynn

Random Thoughts

  • 1) If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free ......You either married it or gave birth to it.

  • 2) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

  • 3) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

  • 4) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

  • 5) The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does.

  • 6) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

  • 7) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

  • 8) Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

  • 9) They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell, my body said, "Do it and die."

  • 10) I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.

  • 11) If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

More Interesting thoughts:

  • Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.

  • I am in shape. Round is a shape.

  • Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

  • Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

  • Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

  • Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

  • Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

  • An optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

  • There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.

  • In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

  • I am a nutritional overachiever.

  • I am having an out of money experience.

  • I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

  • Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

  • A day without sunshine is like night.

  • If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

  • It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

  • The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

  • Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

  • Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

  • Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show.

  • And this one is the real truth, so pay attention: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.