Please be sure to check out JEFF'S WEBSITE.

Brand new 2004 edition of "You might be a redneck if..."

  • You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
  • You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
  • Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
  • You burn your yard rather than mow it.
  • You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
  • The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
  • You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
  • You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
  • You come back from the dump with more than you took there.
  • You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
  • Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
  • Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
  • You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
  • You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
  • You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
  • You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
  • You have a rag for a gas cap.
  • Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
  • You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
  • You can spit without opening your mouth.
  • You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
  • Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
  • You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
  • The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
  • Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
  • You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
  • A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000.00 worth of improvements.
  • You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
  • You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
  • You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
  • Someone tells you that you've got something in your teeth, so you take them out to see what it is!

Courtesy of KIM